Tag Archives: Honesty

Random Musings: A Moment of Transparency…

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Moment of Transparency: There is truly only 1 man I have ever been in Love with. I have liked fondly, cared for, craved, and had love for others but only one has crawled into the deep recesses of my heart, soul, & mind and stayed there.

I still love him to this day and if I am honest am still “in-love” with him too. I will always love him, at his best and at his worst. I think it’s because I see him clearly for who and what he is….not just an ideal or a representation of what I wish him to be. He is amazing and awful at the same damn time…lol.

He has made me smile, laugh, & blush and he has also made me cry. He has made me feel beautiful and like I don’t matter. He is all that I wish a man to be and many of the things I can’t stand. He is free like the wind and often an island unto himself. He is giving and selfish, kind and cruel, open and secretive, honest and a liar.

He is a paradox but if I am honest I wouldn’t want him to be any other way.

It’s easy to believe that if only “they” would be just what you want them to be that life would be perfect and so simple but the truth is that loving him just the way he is has forced me to explore and understand Me. Pushed me outside of my comfort zone and made me accept that at the end of the day I, and I alone, hold the key to my happiness. (not another being, not a relationship status, & not who loves me in return.)

He is my Soulmate and I love him with all that is in me but he is not my man. I do not belong to him and he does not belong to me. Our connection is not always rainbows and butterflies but it is honest and it is real…and it is Beautiful ~ Twin Spirit

Random Musings: I Choose Relief…

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Some days I simply choose relief…
this may look many different ways.
sometimes it’s a smile,
others it’s a gentle letting go,
at times it’s an outburst or a melting away,
some days it’s an air of “whatever” with a side of “I simply don’t care”
Whatever it is..I embrace it and honor my right to choose it in that moment.
There is no right or wrong in the matter. Interpret it as you will…
My only concern is that it is authentic and sits well with my soul
and I’m truly okay with that. ~ Twin Spirit

www.iAmTwinSpirit.com 

Random Musings: Just Read Me

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A Moment of Transparency from TwinSpirit : Have you ever woken up, looked around at your current situation and asked yourself “How Did I End Up Back In This Same Place Again?”. There are times when you have to ask yourself what you really really want in this life.

Not what you are “okay” with or the minimum you are willing to accept or what you have accepted in the past, but what is it that you truly long for in this life and then you must honestly decide if you have been doing all that is necessary to bring those things into fruition. If not, You must ask yourself are you ready and willing to do what is required to achieve those things and once you have them are you willing to put in the work to maintain them.

I finally had to admit to myself a few years ago that some of the things that I deeply longed for I had yet to achieve or receive because over and over again I had often settled for less than what I truly wanted, needed, desired, & honestly deserved in many situations.

I held on when it would have been wiser to let go, I said yes when I should have said no. I allowed my understanding nature & kindness to be pushed and stretched beyond limits that were healthy for me. I let my desire to be a “nice” or “good” person overshadow my ability to be truly honest when my needs were not being met or I was hurting because I was afraid that asking for what I truly wanted would make me appear needy.

The Real & Hard TRUTH is that most times we are in the spaces and places we are in because we allow it. Somewhere deep inside we feel powerless and at the mercy of our circumstances.

The moment we realize that we are the key that unlocks the prison door we instantly become FREE.

Free to let go, move forward, make changes, say no & say Yes to what our souls truly desire.

You are the Captain of your own destiny. Plot your course and sail it in the direction of your purpose and dreams. Whatever they may be. Release those things that hold you back and hold you down. Silence self doubt and the whispers in your ears telling you what you can’t do or where you can’t go. They are lies.

You do not need anyone’s permission to live a better life. So stop waiting for the worlds approval and Go For It….and remember ONLY YOU have the power to decide what “IT” shall be.

I Believe In You…But The Magic Happens When YOU Believe In You Too!!

Love Always,
~ Twin Spirit

Random Musings: Hostage of Love

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Perfection is not a requirement in love, but honesty should be. Many of us lie to ourselves and others, believing that in doing so, we make our world simpler, more comfortable, or that it is in fact kind or providing protection to the ones we care for or love. We fear the truth for the perceived weaknesses it may expose in us or the changes it might create to our current situation. We learn to cover challenging, difficult to express, or unpleasant realities with illusions of who or what we are.

Being fully & honestly Ourselves in a world where everyone seems to want to control us, remake us, judge us, or punish us is indeed a challenge, for the disapproval of others is a powerful deterrent. But Is it or should it be a strong enough reason to be less than who we truly are are want to be?

REMEMBER: Any action that inhibits our truth is not Love. Love is only Love when it liberates. LOVE should liberate and release us to live fully, express openly, & communicate honestly without fear of retaliation, punishing silences, emotional manipulations, or threats to our being and without the constant need to conform to the designs, expectations, boxes, insecurities, or installed programming of another to prove our love is real.

Denying parts of who you really are or things your heart and soul truly need in exchange for acceptance slowly deteriorates the foundation on which you stand. Now please understand I am not advocating “Selfishness” as I realize that we must consider those we love and care for in the choices we make but if that consideration inspires or dictates that we live Small, Hide our truth, or be dishonest about our needs we must ask ourselves is the trade-off worth it and is the connection based in love or is it attachment.

Self examination can be a scary thing but it is a necessary process when seeking truth…It truly can help us grow ~ Shared with love from the heart of TwinSpirit

Random Musing: Freedom of Forgiveness

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“Recently I had the opportunity of a lifetime presented to me. The chance to let someone who hurt me very deeply “have it” in a way that I had been unable to give it to them in the past because I was to wounded. My chance had arrived to hurt them as badly as I had been hurt. I had all of the awful things I wanted to say & do all planned out and I was ready to pounce like a hungry lion in the jungle who hadn’t eaten for weeks.
 
Then a funny thing happened…when the moment arrived things did not play out as I planned. We argued a bit, we disagreed, we debated, and then we just talked. We talked more openly and honestly than we ever have before.
 
The amazing thing that happened during this interaction is that all of my pain and resentment began to melt away and I began to see something that I never had before…that in ways I had shut them out too.
 
Not being fully authentic & completely me and attempting to only present the parts of me that I thought they would accept and love was just as dishonest and hurtful to them as the things they did to me. We were both responsible for the current state of our relationship.
 
There were no victims, only 2 people both afraid that they were not “good enough” just as they are. Two people functioning with played out internal scripts & immature ways of connecting that no longer served them. Two people hiding behind forced smiles & cool unconcern. Never wanting to be the one who cared too much but deeply thirsty for real love and genuine appreciation. Dying to be accepted just as we are but too scared to trust that the other would accept us and also not extending that same acceptance to the other.
 
It is amazing the power that genuine understanding and forgiveness have to instantly transform. Letting go of the pain freed me & them. Giving us the opportunity to benefit from the greatest gift that it brings…PEACE!” ~ Twin Spirit
 
Feel free to read more of my Random Musings on my blog: http://www.Mybeautifuluglyworld.wordpress.com

Random Musing: Saying No to those You Love

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We ALL have the right to walk any path we choose. Someone not supporting you on a given path or in a given decision is also their right. Even if I love you it does not mean that I will always agree with you.

People are quick to question your heart & loyalty simply because you are not fully on board with all of their choices or if you don’t support them in a manner that they feel you should. I never judge the choices anyone chooses to make but if your choice is going to filter into my life or will in any way impact me then I am always going to be honest about my thoughts on said matter. I stopped biting my tongue a long time ago and have learned to honor my truth (even if that means that someone may be upset with me).

If I notice someone I care about repeating a pattern that I know has caused them pain in the past, then yes I may speak on it. Not because I know everything or because I think I am better than they are but because I would hope that someone cared about me enough to bring to my attention any patterns or choices that I may need to reflect on a little more deeply before I took an action.

Being a sister or friend is not always about going along and supporting every move someone makes…sometimes being a friend and caring is about being honest, asking the hard questions, speaking your truth, & sometimes saying no or I don’t agree. Love comes in many different forms and sometimes out of love (for ourselves, for our own peace, & for others) we have to say what doesn’t want to be heard.

Do in your life whatever it is that you choose but respect that others also have the right to do the same. Freedom & Understanding is a 2 way street. You must give it to receive it ~shared from a place of Love ~ Twin Spirit

Random Musings: The Walls We Build….

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“It’s oftentimes not that we think you are him (or any other that has hurt us previously). It is the pain or disappointment you are delivering currently that causes us to pull away and begin construction on our walls. We are often saving ourselves from You not hiding from him.

Inconsistency, dishonesty (to yourself & us), lack of follow through, infidelity, unreliability, selfishness, being emotionally cold or unavailable, lack of care and appreciation, no communication, being irresponsible, shutting us down and out often, always placing us last on your list of priorities, refusal to spend time or invest in the relationship, mind games, constant insecurity & jealously, low or no ambition, lack of affection, sexual unfulfillment, disrespect, unkindness… these types of things presented to us over and over again during the course of our interaction with you, show us that we should not & cannot depend on you or trust you with our hearts.

Some women are wounded and won’t let you in or punish you because of mistakes of lovers past, but many more of us, even after being hurt badly before still decide to trust & open our hearts to love again…

You must understand the powerful importance of a woman truly letting you in. Her opening the door to the most vulnerable parts of herself emotionally, mentally, physically & spiritually. It is an act of trust, a surrendering. It is a gift and one you should not awaken, accept, or receive if you cannot, do not, or have not the desire or capacity to protect her heart, nurture her spirit, appreciate her essence , or reciprocate the love. It is selfish and abusive to do otherwise.” ~ shared from my heart with loving intentions, Twin Spirit 💕