A MOMENT OF TRANSPARENCY: “I simply do not believe in Loving small. I have no idea how to do that. I do not know how to shrink the way that I feel or pretend that I care less than I do, honestly I see no benefit in withholding care or emotion. I see no use in starving those you care for of your presence and adoration or holding back affection.
I see no strength gained, safety secured, or virtue claimed in silencing I Love You’s, I Miss You’s, I Believe in You’s, & I Care’s. Why stingily dole out deep long hugs and passionate kisses. Or save for a later day our tender touches or passionate caresses.
Why are we so generous with complaints, criticisms, cold shoulders, attitudes, & anger but flinch at the mere thought of those we care deeply for knowing that we actually give a damn and care?
I refuse to participate in the lunacy of it all.
If I care about you then I am going to say it and show it in all the things that I do. I am going to be honest in my interactions with you and share openly how I think and feel. I am going to be as transparent as I can. If you move me, you’ll know it. If I crave your energy I will not hold back my desire to bask in it often. If you inspire me, I’ll tell you. If I am disappointed, I will share that too. If you stir my passions then so be it.
Genuine Care to me = openness, honesty, compassion, support, communication, time, laughter, fun, depth, freedom, trust, listening, respect, acceptance, & creative energy flow.
This Life is but a mere blink of an eye…I plan on living mine fully and loving with all that I have in me until I am no more. I am not afraid to LOVE & Be Loved. No regrets.” ~ always Twin Spirit ❤
A MOMENT OF TRANSPARENCY: I fully admit that I have very different ideals when it comes to partnerships and relationships. Not “better or even worse” just vastly different.
I believe in family, I just also believe the family structure and dynamic can look many different ways. That all of them are okay and that they can all be successful as long as the parties involved are on the same page, maintain open honest communication, do things from a place of love , and share a common goal. The truth is there is no “One Size Fits All” when it comes to family, relationship, or love and trying to fit into a box that doesn’t fit ultimately causes unnecessary pain for the people involved.
There are many issues that pop up in long term relationships and many of them stem from the belief that our partners belong to us (love/commitment equals ownership), if someone loves us then they alone are solely & fully responsible for all of our happiness, wants, and needs, and if our partner loves us they will always know what we need and do what we want (and if they do not then they must not really care).
I am polyamorous , no this has nothing to do with my sexual orientation (for some reason people think this means you want to have sex with any and everybody…NOPE! FALSE! NEGATIVE). While I do enjoy sexual expression as much as, well maybe even more than the next person, the way I am wired, sexual desire is inspired by the emotional, intellectual, & spiritual connection I have with an individual. You can be physically alluring but if the other boxes are not ticked then more than likely I will pass on the pudding. I honestly prefer & desire deep connections built on friendship that can be explored fully and grown long term.
What it does mean is that I acknowledge my ability to care for, love, & maintain deep intimate relationships with more than one person at a time. Those connections may all look very different but each is beautifully fulfilling in it’s own way.
This also means that it is not in my nature to think that simply because I love someone and they love me that it means they will never ever care for or feel deeply for anyone else. Also it means that I know that any attraction or interest my love may have or find in another human being doesn’t negate what we have, what we are building, or what they feel for me. There is no sense of competition, because I am who I am and they are who they are. No one brings exactly what I bring to the table. It’s natural to enjoy, be inspired by, and attracted to new things. It’s called being Alive 🙂
The world is full of variety and diverse experiences. I would never attempt to control the opportunities for growth, expansion, friendship, expression, & love that another human being may get to experience on this life journey (this includes my family, children, friends, & lovers). Especially under the guise of Insecurity & Fear artfully disguised as Love.
Many people believe “well if they love me then I would be enough for them. They would have no desire to explore new things or meet new people. They would do as I say. They would feel as I feel”. That is limiting, destructive, & foolish thinking in my opinion.
It is only in “LOVE” that we attempt to imprison one anothers being. We cling tightly and attempt to hold on for dear life. We feel that someone may attempt to take this thing we hold so dear. It is our “Precious”. So we try to lock it away, hide it away, control it, manipulate it, we be damned if someone else is going to have the opportunity to enjoy this thing.
Trust me…I truly do understand where this intense obsession comes from & why…Simply put “Love” makes us feel good, connected, a part of something bigger, full, whole, complete, and we will do anything in our power to maintain and keep a hold of the thing that we feel is the reason for our intensely good feelings. That however is where the illusion begins…
Our partners, lovers, friends, family, etc. are not the source of the feelings they are merely reflections of the LOVE that resides inside of us. Yes, they add joy to our lives, keep us company on this journey, give us warm hugs and stir our emotions (both positive & negative). They help us learn more about who we are, what we want, & what we need….BUT they are NOT the fountain from which the love flows…WE ARE….They are merely a conduit to reflect the essence of the love we exude & give, back at us.
The truth is…(I know this will be hard to accept or believe)…we often don’t love the objects of our affection we simply love how they make “US” feel. This is why we loose it when we think something else might gain their attention and become their point of focus. This could be a new job, a new person, a new exercise regimen, going back to school, starting a new business, pursuing their dreams…The list is endless. We get so afraid when we think we might lose the source of our Good Feelings. When the reality is the Source of our Good Feelings can never be taken away because it lives inside of each and every one of us.
Call it what you like…the semantics matter not to me. Call it God, Love Energy, The Source, Magick, Your Essence…. this is the true place that fullness, connection, and completion resides. Not in the beings we choose to share the life journey with. Yes they add to it but they are not it. This is why I have no issue with those I love living their best life, yes even if that includes connecting deeply with other people . I support it and encourage it. The truth is when I love you I wish the best for you and realize that “the best” in any given moment may come from a source outside of me.
For me Love equals Trust & Freedom. I trust those I love to know what is best for their hearts and souls (even if it’s not something I understand ). I trust that our connection is solid enough for them to always be open and honest with me about what they feel, need, & desire. From that place of trust I grant them Freedom to live, love, do, & be themselves in every aspect (not just when it’s in line with my way of thinking, convenient for or beneficial for me). I have no desire to limit their experiences or lock them down. I will always be honest about how I feel but will also try my best to honor the place from which they are coming as well.
Now understand this does not mean that I never feel insecure or unsure, or that I don’t get angry or irritated. Believe me I do. But when those feelings arise I know that it has more to do with me than someone else. It means that there are issues surfacing that I need to address and attend to. So I sit with the feeling and explore them to understand where they come from and why. I know it is ultimately “MY” responsibility to slay my own dragons.
You may ask, “Well how in the hell can one build a family or grow a commitment with all of this Freedom going on?”….lol. The truth is with open honest communication and a shared end goal this is very possible. See long term commitments such as marriage are simply a combination or mixture of two or more elements. A union, alliance, fusion, blend, amalgamation, combination, merger…You get the Idea…LOL. It is a United Front: A Team that is working together towards a common end goal…Be it Raising Children, Strengthening Familial Bonds, Spiritual Growth, Building Community, Building Wealth, Personal Development, etc. The possible shared goals are numerous but the point is there is an agreement in place within the union and a sense of mutual obligation and commitment to whatever the team has deemed the End Goal to be. This agreement will look different for everyone’s relationships. If everyone involved is fully committed to the same end goal then allowing freedom to your lover will not hurt you or your relationship as their choices will always take into consideration the impact on the end goal of the union. Now if everyone is not then that is a whole different issue that needs to be addressed.
The most beautiful part is that there are many different types of relationship paradigms (structures). It is vitally important that we take some time to figure out what type looks, works, and feels best for us and that we are honest about this with those who we decide to connect & share our lives with. The truth is this also takes time and maybe even some trial and error until we discover the right fit. It is very important that as you make new discoveries that you share them especially if you happen to make these discoveries while already in a committed relationship and this will require possible shifts and adjustments to your standing agreements or the relationship itself. (Yea I know that sounds scary and Change scares us because we do not know what it might bring).
The reality is that we are all in “Multiple Relationships” already. We call them different things and the level and depth of each one varies but they are all important to us for their own unique reasons and we would totally resent anyone walking into our lives and telling us that we must terminate all of these connections and agree to never build any new ones if we are going to love them & have them in our life. So why do we do this on a daily basis to the people we say that we genuinely love and care for?
Understand I am not here to convince anyone of anything or change your minds. But I am here to ask the pointed questions and who knows maybe it will open up some much needed dialog on the subject of relating and relationships.
Shared from a space and place of love ~ Twin Spirit ❤
Every single person on earth has the exact same amount of time every single day. We ALL get 24 hours to do whatever we need and want to do each day. What we make of that time is up to US….
When we feel like we don’t HAVE time for something, it’s almost always because we have not chosen to MAKE the time to do it because that thing is simply not a priority to us.
You can find the time. It exists. You choose not to devote the time, and there’s a big difference.
Every day, we make hundreds of decisions as to what we will and will not make time for.
We will all make different decisions at different times and in different seasons of life. The difference is not bad — it’s just priorities. It’s ALL About Priorities!
Fess Up If Your Priorities Change
Of course, our lives change and circumstances change. But when that happens to you, take the time to give the ramifications of those changes real thought, helping to see how priorities might have to shift correspondingly.
And most importantly, be honest with yourself. Admit that what once was critically important to you might not be as important now. Don’t blame it on not having enough time. That’s just code for “I don’t care as much as I used to, but haven’t admitted it to myself yet.”
So as we countdown to the wrap up of this crazy, crazy year called: “2016”, spend a few hours with yourself thinking about your priorities this year, and how they could or should change in 2017. It will give you a lot more clarity (and possibly a lot less guilt) down the road.
Knowing who you are and what you want can help set you in the right direction, and the earlier you start thinking about your life goals and what’s truly important to you, the easier it is to make the appropriate decisions and plans to reach it. ~ Twin Spirit
So many times we complain about getting the very things that we asked for. We ask for prosperity and success, then complain about the work required to attain and sustain it. We choose to have children then get frustrated with the emotional, financial, & time investment required. We pray for love then spend the whole time we have it running from it, denying it, waiting on it to disappoint us or complaining that it wants too much from us in return.
We spend hours upon hours of our existence in a state of dissatisfaction with who we are, where we are, and what we have… Often never fully taking ownership of the fact that our reality is a result of OUR choices, actions, & inactions.
Blaming others gives them power over the circumstance. While taking ownership gives you the power to change it. When we continue to make excuses and blame others, we are actually giving our power away. We are telling ourselves that we have no control over our behaviors, our decisions, our lives, and our feelings. That is just not true! When we blame others for what we’re going through, we avoid responsibility and perpetuate the problem.
Excuses hold us back from being the best we can be, from being honest with ourselves and living authentic lives.
You can only get out of life what you choose to invest into it. Invest wisely, generously, openly, & honestly and you will reap the sweet fruits of your labors by manifesting the LIFE YOU DESIRE ❤ ~ shared with love Twin Spirit
This was on my heart today and I felt compelled to share: It may trigger some and perhaps inspire others but it is my TRUTH!
My Human experience is not limited to or defined by the color of my skin. As gloriously beautiful as my sun kissed melanin rich brown skin may be it alone does not inherently decide my path.
My exquisite brown skin, while divinely designed, determines not my Value, my Character, my Future, my Creativity, my Intelligence, my Beauty, my Strength, my Ability, my Courage, my Contribution, the expansiveness of my Spirit, the depth of my Love, nor the Capacity of my Mind to manifest. It is not the sum total of My Worth! To think otherwise diminishes the potentiality of the Powerful(l) spirit that is Me.
While those things may be influenced by the multitude of circumstances and experiences that I have been exposed to, many beyond the scope of my control, and may shape my journey; they have absolutely NO POWER to decide my ultimate fate. That decision and choice resides only with ME!
I will not perpetuate a spirit of hate or fear, nor support instilling a complex of inferiority or victim mindset. I will not villainize or condemn all of the other beautiful shades of the rainbow due to the crimes against humanity inflicted by some beings colored in that shade.
Nor do I subscribe to inspiring an over inflated stance of superiority or sense of entitlement based on skin tone into the hearts and minds of those whose skin in painted a brilliant shade of brown or any other shade for that matter.
Yes You Matter, and You Matter, & You Matter simply because you “ARE” & you “EXIST”, because you woke up this morning and YOU ARE HERE!! Because you are a Divine Being finding your way through this Human Experience ….Not because of your color, your system of belief, your race, your religion, your sexuality, your economic class, your education, your size, your history, your culture, your relationship status, how you live, how you love, what you eat, how you speak, where you were born, your challenges, your maltreatment, your triumphs, successes, or failures…but for no other reason than You being YOU!!!
I will NEVER give my POWER to BE Any and Everything that I dream and desire over to some preconceived notion or stereotype of who I Am or ought to be. Nobody that has come, is here now, or will ever Be gets to determine my Journey but the GOD in ME!
Outside factors may provide a palette of colorful experience but I and I alone get to paint my world and I choose to paint mine POWERFULLY BEAUTIFUL while proudly donning skin in a Beautiful shade of Chocolate Brown!!
I was asked a very pointed question and decided I would share my answer publicly. The Question: What Do I Want From a Man? I did have to clarify this question with the asker as I wasn’t clear if they wanted to know what I want from all men I encounter in general or if they were inquiring about what I desire from a man I am dating or interested in romantically. (These are in fact 2 very different questions – Always be sure you are asking the correct question, this helps ensure you get the appropriate answer you are seeking #BetterCommunication101 ).
My Answer: From a man that I am interested in romantically, more than anything I simply want him to be himself and I want him to be comfortable with who he has chosen to be. Not who or what he thinks will be more appealing to me but completely himself. I say this because anything that grows and develops I wish to blossom from a base of honest appreciation and natural attraction & escalation. If we become great friends, or lovers, or should things grow deeper and we even decide that we wish to merge and share our lives together all stems from how we blend, meld, connect, communicate, & interact naturally. There truly are some things that have to just happen organically. I also desire him to be honest, open, & a good verbal communicator (now if these things are not naturally who he is then that’s okay too it just may mean that we may not resonate and things will likely not escalate and that’s part of the natural mating dance.)
There used to be a time when I was in a hurry, and wanted things to happen “NOW”. A time when I would attempt to morph myself into the shape of the woman I thought the object of my affection would like for me to be in order to decide to make me his one and only. As I have grown and experienced life I have learned that first love is plentiful and grows in abundance, there is no shortage and thus no need to hurry.
Secondly, ALL things grow and develop in their own way and in their own time. I have also learned that there is no such thing as “The One”. Just as there are many many people on this planet there are many many opportunities to love. Each one bringing a different experience to expand and grow. There is no shortage of “Good Men” or “Good Women”. Only limiting perspectives, self-imposed boundaries, and fear based thinking that often keeps us from opening up and truly experiencing all that love and life has to offer us.
Lastly, I discovered my natural love style is more polyamorous in nature..meaning I am capable of loving deeply and intimately more than one person at a time. This last discovery opened me up to a whole new world of Freedom in that it allowed me to see that no “ONE” person can or should be wholly responsible for my every need, want, & desire being fulfilled. It’s freed me and has freed my potential loves from the spirit of ownership & control that most relationships inspire. It has allowed me to be open to seeing so many different relationship structure possibilities beyond the traditional “monogamy dynamic”. It has tasked me with being responsible for my own happiness and self care and most importantly it has forced me to be completely open and honest about who I am and what I desire as you cannot not get your needs met if you do not know what they are or share what they are.
So the short answer: I want a man who is just totally and completely himself and who is trusting enough to allow things to manifest organically into whatever they naturally become. Shared openly and honestly from the heart of Twin Spirit
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