I was asked a very pointed question and decided I would share my answer publicly. The Question: What Do I Want From a Man? I did have to clarify this question with the asker as I wasn’t clear if they wanted to know what I want from all men I encounter in general or if they were inquiring about what I desire from a man I am dating or interested in romantically. (These are in fact 2 very different questions – Always be sure you are asking the correct question, this helps ensure you get the appropriate answer you are seeking #BetterCommunication101 ).
My Answer: From a man that I am interested in romantically, more than anything I simply want him to be himself and I want him to be comfortable with who he has chosen to be. Not who or what he thinks will be more appealing to me but completely himself. I say this because anything that grows and develops I wish to blossom from a base of honest appreciation and natural attraction & escalation. If we become great friends, or lovers, or should things grow deeper and we even decide that we wish to merge and share our lives together all stems from how we blend, meld, connect, communicate, & interact naturally. There truly are some things that have to just happen organically. I also desire him to be honest, open, & a good verbal communicator (now if these things are not naturally who he is then that’s okay too it just may mean that we may not resonate and things will likely not escalate and that’s part of the natural mating dance.)
There used to be a time when I was in a hurry, and wanted things to happen “NOW”. A time when I would attempt to morph myself into the shape of the woman I thought the object of my affection would like for me to be in order to decide to make me his one and only. As I have grown and experienced life I have learned that first love is plentiful and grows in abundance, there is no shortage and thus no need to hurry.
Secondly, ALL things grow and develop in their own way and in their own time. I have also learned that there is no such thing as “The One”. Just as there are many many people on this planet there are many many opportunities to love. Each one bringing a different experience to expand and grow. There is no shortage of “Good Men” or “Good Women”. Only limiting perspectives, self-imposed boundaries, and fear based thinking that often keeps us from opening up and truly experiencing all that love and life has to offer us.
Lastly, I discovered my natural love style is more polyamorous in nature..meaning I am capable of loving deeply and intimately more than one person at a time. This last discovery opened me up to a whole new world of Freedom in that it allowed me to see that no “ONE” person can or should be wholly responsible for my every need, want, & desire being fulfilled. It’s freed me and has freed my potential loves from the spirit of ownership & control that most relationships inspire. It has allowed me to be open to seeing so many different relationship structure possibilities beyond the traditional “monogamy dynamic”. It has tasked me with being responsible for my own happiness and self care and most importantly it has forced me to be completely open and honest about who I am and what I desire as you cannot not get your needs met if you do not know what they are or share what they are.
So the short answer: I want a man who is just totally and completely himself and who is trusting enough to allow things to manifest organically into whatever they naturally become. Shared openly and honestly from the heart of Twin Spirit
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